June 20, 2025

Interviewed and written by Ella Katz

‍

 ”My mom was such a leader in making mundane moments so special. Every trip to the grocery store was like you're going to Disneyland.”

‍

This is the spirit, essence, and vitality that model, actress and mental health advocate Hayley Hasselhoff captured of her late mother, Pamela Bach.

Actress Pamela Bach tragically died by suicide on March 5, 2025.

‍

“She was the closest person to me. I spoke to her at least 20 times a day,” Hayley says, fighting back tears. 

‍

‍

‍

Suicide is the second leading cause of death in the U.S. for people between the ages of 10-34. And according to the CDC, suicide was responsible for 49,316 deaths in 2023 — which comes out to about one death every 11 minutes.

‍

“You can't speak on suicide prevention without touching on the things that happen after death by suicide.  I don't want anybody to experience what me and my sister experienced the first week or two [after] losing our mother.”

‍

If you, or someone you love, is struggling, both Hayley and Project Healthy Minds want you to know that you’re not alone, and that help is available, 24/7. 
‍FIND SUPPORT THROUGH HAYLEY'S GUIDE

‍

‍

• • • • • • • • • • • • • •

‍

Here are 10 lessons Hayley Hasselhoff learned after losing her mother unexpectedly: 

‍

"I know my story is one of many. And with that in mind, we wanted to create a support guide to help the loved ones of the lost find comfort in knowing where to turn for support. We are here to take your hand, to walk alongside you, and to help you understand that you are NOT alone in this."

‍

‍

‍

‍‍

1. It’s OK to be dot-less

‍

“There's a lot of confusion that happens after [an unexpected loss.]  A lot of people will want to try and connect a dot … you don't need to connect dots when somebody passes — full stop … We need to go straight to a place of love, acceptance, truth, light — you go straight there because in any other passing you would go straight there.

‍

We never tried to connect the dots and encouraged others to do the same. We went straight to a place of loving our mother in all forms and celebrating the legacy she led with. Let's change your mindset for a second. Be there for them right now. Today's the first day you can be there for them, that means protecting their legacy. That means not giving them any resentment. That means not putting any sort of feeling or emotion onto how [long] they chose their time to be.”

‍

‍

2. Guilt and shame are normal — but they don’t have to be your reality

‍"We went straight to a place of no guilt, no shame. Other people may go to a place of,  like, ‘How could they leave me? How could they do this?’ Let's change your mindset for a second. Be there for them now. Be there for them right now. Today's the first day you can be there for them, that means protecting their legacy. That means not giving them any resentment. That means not putting any sort of feeling or emotion onto how [long] they chose their time to be.

‍

 When somebody dies by suicide, there's always going to be some sort of guilt. However, there should be no guilt towards them and their character and who they are and how they left you."

‍

3. Vocabulary and word choice have never been more important 

‍

We know that word choice matters most when it comes to de stigmatizing mental health, specifically as relates to death by suicide. 

“Like blank <s> [took] </s> their life. Let's take that away and let's put in ‘it's their chosen time."

‍

4. The initial period of grief might feel different than an expected death

‍

“ When somebody dies unexpectedly, you feel the pressure of the confusion around what you're supposed to do and how to do it, rather than taking a moment to say: Their soul and their spirit [are] still here. Let's celebrate them. Let's love on them. Let's let them transcend and then we'll take care of what needs to be taken care of. 

‍

 Looking back, there were definitely steps that I feel like we took a little bit too soon that I wish we could have just halted on.”

‍

‍

5. Vulnerability and nostalgia can provide a beautiful source of comfort

‍

“ I can't tell you how many stories I get a day from people saying that my mom's loss has reconnected them to certain people in their lives, or my mom's loss has reminded us of the family that we've all built since we were young. 

‍

I feel like when you speak on your lost one, it actually feels more comforting because you feel like you're celebrating them still and they're still present and they're still around.

‍

[When] somebody goes, how are you? I go: ‘Good, but I'm really okay. My mom just passed and I'm like, I'm just gonna rip off this bandaid for us now.’ And what it actually ends up doing is it opens up a whole new door of conversation for anybody else to come forward who has experienced grief themselves.”

‍

‍

6. Know that certain details of how your loved one passed are public

‍

“ Anybody can have access to your loved one's records of how they passed [which] in my personal opinion, is completely and utterly wrong … Say it's a 15-year-old boy who loses his father to death by suicide, and those private records that have become public, get into the wrong hands, hands of his peers, and then that becomes a situation of his privacy being in question.”

‍

7. Try your best to keep a routine

‍

“ I try and push myself with grace to still get up, and get dressed, and look great and feel good because that's what my mom would've wanted, and that's what my mom would have told us to do if we were having a down day.”

‍

‍

8. Find your daily win 

‍

“The win can be the smallest thing. Just find your win … There was the instant need to be present in every moment and to never take a moment for granted.

‍

No win is ever too small. And it was something that kept us really on the straight and focused the first couple of weeks because we were in such a place of confusion and shock.”

‍

‍

9. Grief looks different on everyone

‍

“There's no way to win in grief, right? … things are gonna hit you at different periods of time, and you have to give yourself grace, and you have to allow yourself to know it's okay to feel good, and it's also okay to feel bad, and that things are going to surprise you.

‍

 Always tell people you love them. Always tell people why you appreciate them and, you know, no appreciation is ever too small.”

‍

‍

10. The love you hold for them is infinite — even in their absence

‍

 “If I can't call her, what would she say to me? What advice would she give me? … I know that innately, my mom will always be a huge part of my story.

‍

You remember that they are now here just in another form, and that your love doesn't stop. That it's just about loving somebody in all forms … I think it's one of those things now that you're just tapping into a different way of loving somebody in this lifetime.”

‍

‍

Visit projecthealthyminds.com/guide for 24/7 support — wherever you are, whatever you’re going through. 

‍